quinta-feira, 13 de setembro de 2007
Capicua na Escrita
Sabiam que a seguinte frase:
SOCORRAM-ME SUBI NO ONIBUS EM MARROCOS.
pode ser lida da direita para a esquerda.
Carta À Optimus
Esta carta, foi enviada por um cliente Optimus. A Carta abaixo indicada é verídica e foi enviada por um devedor a uma das várias Lojas Credoras (conforme ele mesmo informa na sua carta).
"Prezados Senhores,Esta é a oitava carta jurídica de cobrança que recebo de Vossas Senhorias... Sei que não estou em dia com os meus pagamentos. Acontece que eu estou a dever também noutras lojas e todas esperam que eu lhes pague. Contudo, os meus rendimentos mensais só permitem que eu pague duas prestações no fim de cada mês. As outras ficam para o mês seguinte.
Estejam cientes de que não sou injusto, daquele tipo que prefere pagar a esta ou aquela empresa em detrimento das demais. Não! Todos os meses quando recebo o meu ordenado, escrevo o nome dos meus credores em pequenos pedaços de papel, que enrolo e coloco dentro de uma caixinha. Depois, olhando para outro lado, retiro dois papéis, que são os dois "Sortudos" que irão receber o meu rico dinheirinho. Os outros, paciência. Ficam para o mês seguinte.
Afirmo aos Senhores, com toda certeza, que a sua empresa vem constando todos os meses na minha caixinha. Se não os paguei ainda, é porque os Senhores estão com pouca sorte.
Finalmente, faço-lhes uma advertência: Se os Senhores continuarem com essa mania de me enviar cartas de cobrança ameaçadoras e insolentes, como última que recebi, serei obrigado a EXCLUIR o nome da vossa Empresa dos sorteios mensais..."
World Cup Rules for Women
LIST OF RULES
1-From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going
on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will
be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2-During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote
control, you will lose it (your eye).
3-If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch
a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4-During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of
your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the
second floor... it wont happen.
5-It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble
on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be
allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6-Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”,
or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less.
Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only
lead to a break up or divorce.
7-You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials
are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use
the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8-The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them
again. Many times.
9-Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance
because:
I will not go,
I will not go, and
I will not go.
But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
10-The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think
about saying “but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we
can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
11-And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these
words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.
12-Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards,
Men of the World
Sponsored by
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed
on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.
(to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated
prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
1-From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going
on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will
be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2-During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote
control, you will lose it (your eye).
3-If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch
a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4-During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of
your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the
second floor... it wont happen.
5-It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble
on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be
allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6-Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”,
or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less.
Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only
lead to a break up or divorce.
7-You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials
are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use
the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
8-The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them
again. Many times.
9-Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance
because:
I will not go,
I will not go, and
I will not go.
But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
10-The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think
about saying “but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we
can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.
11-And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these
words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.
12-Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards,
Men of the World
Sponsored by
Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed
on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc.
(to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated
prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
quarta-feira, 12 de setembro de 2007
Vasos ou Caras ? Ilusão Óptica
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